Home: Topanga, CA. Age: Old enough to know better, even if I don’t always act that way. Profession: Mental health coach and agent of emotional change, helping people overcome the blocks that keep them from getting and being all they want in life. Significant other: My partner, Asya. Being with her has made me stop looking for anyone else in my life. Alma mater: Rutgers University (B.A.); California Graduate Institute of Professional Psychology (doctorate); Institute of Contemporary Psychoanalysis (doctorate).
Current project: Creating and publishing online courses. The first, The Assertiveness Formula, recently went live on Udemy. Recent professional development: Wrote No More Mr. Nice Guy: The Hero’s Journey, then formed four multi-year groups to go through that journey. The last recently completed the program. Latest contribution to others: Volunteering with the Topanga Coalition for Emergency Preparedness, helping edit the Topanga Disaster Survival Guide. I also completed Community Emergency Response Team training and earned my ham radio license. Hobbies: Wine collecting and tasting, fine dining, golf, boating, skiing, weight training and hiking in the hills around Topanga Canyon. Last book read: I Don’t Want to Talk About It, by Terrence Real, an illuminating examination of men’s depression, particularly covert depression. Recently viewed recommendation: The Last Kingdom. Its protagonist is torn between competing loyalties, a model for how we all hold conflicting desires in dynamic tension and make difficult choices as circumstances demand.
Personality profile: Smart and funny. What is your greatest fear? Being trapped in an endless conversation with someone who won’t stop talking. It makes me feel as if my head is in a vise and I just want to explode. What is your guilty pleasure? Scandinavian symphonic metal—Nightwish, Within Temptation, Epica and Delain—as well as lots of other metal. What occupation, other than your own, do you most admire? A sculptor or artist who creates large-scale installations. Or a movie director. What is at the top of your bucket list? Japan. I want to go into the mountains and soak in the hot baths at ryokans. What is your go-to workout? Forty-five minutes on the rowing machine followed by 45 minutes of weight training, or 90 minutes on the driving range followed by 18 holes of golf. What ingredient is essential to your perfect vacation? Doing and discovering: seeing new things, eating different food, trying new activities, taking in unfamiliar art and exploring new buildings, landscapes and history.
What was your favorite college course? Film Studies and Criticism, taught by New York Times film critic Roger Greenspun. I became passionate about film and ultimately chose filmmaking as a career. What movie have you repeatedly watched? The Searchers, a John Ford epic that speaks to me as a coach: trying to get people through the wilderness of pain they inhabit and into greater contentment and emotional prosperity. What’s the best advice you received in your career? Don’t do nothin’ rash. I learned it from a pool-room acquaintance named Paul and still say it to clients—and myself—when the impulse is to leap without looking. What is your go-to source of news and information? The New York Times, The Guardian, The Onion and CNN; Jimmy Kimmel and Bill Maher. What company or organization do you most admire? Doctors Without Borders, the Innocence Project and the Southern Poverty Law Center. What world event has had the greatest influence on your life? Coming of age in the 1960s. I grew my hair long, listened to all kinds of music, protested the Vietnam War and spent long hours discussing politics and philosophy.
What is your big idea?
The road to simplicity runs through complexity. Elegant understanding comes from taking in as much useful information as possible, eliminating what doesn’t help and then seeing the larger, simpler picture.
What mega-trend most excites you? The growing recognition of the power of emotions and our ability to strengthen emotional intelligence through focus and effort. What mega-trend most concerns you? The growing disparity of wealth in the United States and the unfettered development of AI.
As a kid, what did you first want to be when you grew up? A criminal attorney, like Perry Mason—who was really part lawyer, part detective. After your loved ones, what object would you first save from your burning home? The best bottle of wine in my cellar. And my computer. How would you choose to spend tomorrow, if you knew it was your last day on earth? At the finest restaurant I could find, drinking the best bottle of wine in my cellar, then spending the rest of the night in the arms of my partner, Asya. What advice would you give your younger self? Buy Microsoft. And that brownstone in Hoboken that’s now worth $3 million. What period in your life would you do differently, if you could? My twenties. I was very confused at the time.
Personal mission: If I can make one person’s life better, then I have done a good thing. Favorite quote: “He not busy being born is busy dying” (Bob Dylan). Desired epitaph: Here lies an atheist. All dressed up and no place to go.
